Saturday, 27 November 2010


I have just had the sudden realisation that creating a blog must have been the worst idea of my life. I cannot write. I have never been able to write. I like the idea of writing however, past a few paragraphs I get bored. 

I had a terrrrible episode this morning. There is something not right with me and it's fairly terrifying. I have changed and not in a good way. I am irritable all of the time and have started with incredible mood swings of anger and sadness. On top of that I have panic attacks at incidents there is no rational reason to panic and I have begun sleeping in the day as well as my already 8 hours sleep. I am driving my family and boyfriend crazy and my boyfriend especially is begging me to see someone. But I have a terrible fear I may have just become a drama queen?

This morning for example I had a panic attack because my boyfriend wanted 5 minutes to himself to walk to work. The thought of him not answering his phone to me and going to work made me psychically panic. The episodes are getting more frequent and as you may expect more likely to occur during an argument and I am worried he will begin to think I am faking to get sympathy. But again, I have the fear this is true and I am subconsciously causing this myself.

My week that began so lovely and optimistic is slipping away. I have also had my first rejection from university and have a nagging feeling this has just started the ball rolling for another string of rejection before interview. Medical school is slowly becoming a dream I'm giving up on :( 

Need a new life plan ASAP x

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